Category Archives: 5-11 years

Book Review: The Board Game Family, by Ellie Dix

If you are looking for a way to tear your kids away from their tablets and consoles in order to have some quality family time, then board games are a great option. But where do you start? And how do you go about engaging your kids in a board game when the lure of computer games is so powerful? The Board Game Family by Ellie Dix has all the answers.

Ellie Dix is clearly a big fan of board games and her enthusiasm is infectious. But she is also a realist. There are no illusions here that your children will skip happily to the kitchen table for a three-hour Sunday afternoon board game just because Mum or Dad thinks it’s a good idea! There a some brilliant stealth tactics for how you can subtly get your kids interested by leaving games lying around (pretend you are having a clear out!). Or by solo playing to tempt their interest. These are ideas that might just work, too. Continue reading

Raising Kind Kids

When I ask parents what their parenting goals are, raising kind kids is usually somewhere near the top of the list. raising kind kids - picture of stick man holding a heartYoung children are capable of wonderful acts of compassion. But it takes time for them to develop social skills and to learn to step into someone else’s shoes. Raising kind kids is not a quick-fix project – and all kids will make mistakes along the way.

In order to learn kindness, children need an understanding of what kindness looks like. They need to see it in action and to have it pointed out to them (both in real life and in books or stories). They need opportunities to practise being kind and lots of positive reinforcement for doing kind things. Parents can really help in this process by modelling kind behaviour, praising children for their kind acts, talking about kindness and providing lots of opportunities for children to practise getting it right. Here are a few specific ideas that can really help. Continue reading

Children’s books about divorce and separation (2-7yrs)

Helping children through divorce and separation isn’t easy and there are no pain-free solutions. Being strong and calm and rational at a time when emotions are running away from you can be a real challenge. Reading children’s books about divorce and separation can really help by introducing new ideas to little ones and normalising new living arrangements.

Snuggling up with a book is a good way to broach the difficult emotions that can come with family changes. It gives children a chance to ask questions and raise issues indirectly using the book’s characters. And it can reinforce key messages about children still being loved and not being at fault despite any big changes.

There are lots of children’s books about divorce and separation out there, so do have a good browse to find ones that will suit your family best. Here are a few of my favourites for children aged 2-7 years. Continue reading

Should I use Time Out?

There is a lot of contradictory advice out there about Time Out as a parenting strategy. upside down cartoon figure: should I use time out?Should parents use it? Does it work? Is it harmful? At what age should I use Time Out? Time Out has certainly had a bad press recently, but what does the evidence actually say? And what are the alternatives? (You shouldn’t believe everything you read on the internet!). So, to help you cut through the opinions and make an informed decision, I have pulled together the research and arguments, alongside some links to trustworthy explanations. Here’s what you need to think about:

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Children’s books that celebrate diversity

Differences really matter to children. Young children have to make sense of the world in a very short space of time. To do that, they use a lot of categorical thinking in which they allocate people or things into groups. This has huge advantages in terms of being able to organise information efficiently in their brains but it can throw up some very direct questions (“What’s wrong with that boy’s hand?“) and some incorrect assumptions (“Amrita’s skin is brown because her mummy stayed out in the sun too long.“) while they try to work through it all.

Children’s books that celebrate diversity in an active and warm way are hugely helpful for An example of children's books that celebrate diversity: Different is Awesometalking to children about diversity issues and for promoting an inclusive mindset. Not only can these messages help children value the people around them, they also send a strong signal about their own personal value as uniquely different individuals, helping to build self-esteem and confidence as well as friendship and emotional skills.

Here are my personal favourite children’s books that celebrate diversity. (If I have left your favourite off the list, please do comment below and share it with us all!). Continue reading

10 things to do this summer to boost your children’s resilience

Boosting children’s resilience is all about helping children feel a sense of mastery and competence, that what they do matters and that they have control and influence over how they feel and what they achieve. Building children’s resilience involves allowing them to set goals, plan a route forward, take risks, rise to challenges and learn from mistakes. It also means helping them to find ways to regulate their emotions, experience contentment and build a happy memory bank that can help them through difficult moments.

There’s no holiday club or after school activity specifically for building children’s resilience. It is built from lots of different experiences which all contribute to kids feeling “I’ve got this!” (and “if I haven’t, I’ll find a way!”). But it definitely doesn’t come from sitting at home at a screen. So here are my top ten ideas for activities that you and your family can do this summer to boost your children’s resilience. Have fun!

ideas for boosting children's resilience (kids playing on rocks)
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A positive parenting toolkit for the summer holidays

The summer holidays are approaching and I know how busy you are. There’s work to finish, childcare to organise, paddling pools to buy, packing lists to write, school uniform to order and have you remembered to source a goldfish-sitter? Not yet? Well, I thought I’d help you save time on your holiday prep and bring together in one place all the positive parenting strategies you’ll need for enjoying some family time these holidays. Here is your essential positive parenting toolkit for surviving the summer holidays. You’re welcome! School's out! Continue reading

Modern Fatherhood Survey: the rise of the ‘hands-on’ dad

Modern fatherhood means being hands on in all aspects of practical childcare but also connecting emotionally with children. That’s the conclusion from the Modern Fatherhood Survey run by the Positive Parenting Project. The survey looked at the range of parenting tasks today’s dads undertake and how modern fatherhood differs from previous generations.

The key picture that emerged was a shift towards more equally shared parenting tasks and a breakdown of traditional divisions in Mum/Dad roles. “Dads are more involved than previous generations with more mothers returning to their careers. Dads have a clearer understanding on their role in the child’s emotional development as well as the physical side,” was how one dad summed up changes in modern fatherhood.

Modern fatherhood survey: picture of the word 'Dad@

A recurring theme was how modern dads see practical childcare tasks and household chores as an integral part of their role as a fathers. But dads also aspire to a relationship with their children which involves playing and listening and which is loving and nurturing.

“fathers are much more involved in raising their children, more emotionally open and available for their children, less authoritarian and more aware that respect is earned not deserved… more willing to allow their children to be themselves… more willing to admit they’re wrong and to apologise”

Here are the results in more detail: Continue reading

How to cook healthy family meals in less time

We’d all love to provide healthy home-cooked dinners every day to support our family’s health. But as busy parents with so many things to juggle, finding time to cook from scratch can be a real struggle. If you’re anything like me, you probably end up serving up the same meals again and again until the kids refuse to eat them out of sheer boredom! So, in my continual quest to help you find a little more time in your hectic days, I asked Ingela Olson from Ingela’s Kitchen for some insider tips to help us rustle up wholesome family meals a little more quickly.

Ingela's Kitchen

Here are Ingela’s top parenting hacks for quick healthy meals: Continue reading

Social media and self-esteem: resources for parents

Lots of parents worry about the potential negative impacts of social media on children’s self-esteem. Unfortunately, reliable evidence is sketchy in this still-shifting and developing terrain. There have been some appalling cases where children and teens have been influenced by online content promoting self-harming, for example. But many teens also say that social media is a source of support and connection for them.like button

If you are worried about the impact of social media on your child’s wellbeing, or want sensible advice on how to limit the impact of social media on family life or on how to talk about these concerns with your child, I’ve put together a few of my favourite resources to get you started.
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Supporting children through exams

Whether your child is 8 or 18, tests and exams can be a stressful time. Supporting children through exams is all about reducing stress, optimising well-being and putting good study processes in place. supporting children through exams Parents have a key role to play in creating the right environment for learning and helping children to structure their revision time productively.

We all want our children to do well but there is a difference between support and pressure. Parents need to support children to develop good study habits but avoid pressurising them into a state of heightened anxiety in which learning just flies out of your brain. For some children, exam periods will involve a lot of parental nudging to galvanise them into action. For others, it means helping them stay calm with reassurance, distraction and relaxation strategies. Or perhaps, a combination of both approaches!

Here are my top tips for supporting children through exams. Continue reading

Books for helping children manage friendship problems

Learning how to recognise a good friend (and to be one) is an important part of childhood. All children experience some ups and downs in friendships. Parents can play an important role in helping children manage friendship problems helping children manage friendship problemsby helping them think about why their friends might be behaving in a particular way and discussing what qualities and actions show that someone is a good friend.

Snuggling up with a storybook can be a great way to talk through friendship issues sensitively with young children and introduce new ideas. And for older children, who want to think about issues for themselves, books can be a safe space to work through thoughts, scenarios and emotions. Here are my recommendations for really good books for helping children manage friendship problems.  Continue reading

If you want to stay calm, step into your child’s shoes

I found myself crying in the car last night. Truly blubbering. I had just dropped my teenage son off at his girlfriend’s house – well, around the corner from her house. step into your child's shoesI’d pulled over a few hundred yards early to give us a moment to finish our conversation and he’d got out and stormed off. (And, when I say ‘conversation’, you know what I really mean is argument…)

I calmed myself down, drove home and accepted his conciliatory hug this morning. But why was I so very upset? It was a stupid argument about tidying his bedroom, one we’ve had a hundred times before with much less drama. But as I sat crying in the car, I was really hurting. My brain was quick-firing with all the things my son had done that had hurt me – a litany of blatant unkindnesses all the more outrageous and undeserved given the hours of love, thought and lift-giving that I plough into his life.
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We can’t keep working more and parenting more

I was recently asked to contribute insights for some research on modern family dynamics. I concluded that the modern parenting experience can be summed up by a simple equation:

Lack of time and energy + wanting to be a good parent = stress.

we can't keep working more and parenting moreModern parents are labouring under a double whammy. We are working more and parenting more. We are desperate to be good parents but with so many demands on our time and energy, many of us feel like we are running just to stand still.

The fact is that most parents in the UK now work. Our working days have got longer and we commute further to work. That is a huge demand on parents’ energy and mental resources and most of us are stressed and exhausted before we start the evening parenting shift.

Yet we are a generation of parents who believe that being a good parent really matters. We want to get it right. We want to be hands-on and engaged. And we want to be seen to be succeeding at parenting (even if we don’t feel that we are). In the past, being a good parent felt simpler. It meant giving basic things like love and shelter and food and warmth, making sure the kids went to school and telling them right from wrong.

Being a good parent doesn’t feel so simple these days. Continue reading