Young children find abstract concepts difficult. So words like ‘anxiety’ or ’emotion’ can be a bit baffling to them. What do those words actually mean? And how do they help? If your little one is getting overwhelmed by emotions or worries, it’s a really good idea to find more concrete imagery and explanations for them to connect with. Something they can hold in their mind’s eye a little better. A snow globe is one way to do this – and it also helps them learn self soothe strategies to manage those feelings of overwhelm. Here’s how to do it.
Not sure this is the right idea for your child? Watch this free video tutorial for lots more ideas for self soothe strategies.
The lifting of Covid-19 lockdown restrictions is positive news in terms of wider opportunities for children to play and reconnecting with friends and family. But many parents and professionals are deeply concerned about the impacts of a long period of social distancing on children and teenagers’ emotional wellbeing. Coming on top of an existing crisis in children’s mental health and already sky high levels of anxiety, emerging from lockdown poses many challenges. Especially for children and teens who were already struggling.
So what can parents do? One of the best things we can do is to equip children with an understanding of mental health (see Talking to children about mental health) and some concrete strategies for managing their thoughts and emotions in order to reduce stress and anxiety. Guided meditation and mindfulness apps for children and teens are a brilliant resource for helping them train their brains, learn to relax and manage any anxious thoughts. Many mindfulness apps are based on the principles of cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) and there is extensive evidence that these strategies work.
Mindfulness apps can help with sleep issues, general worries and just for helping children to wind down at the end of the day, as well as for more entrenched mental or emotional health issues. There are lots of apps on the market – here’s my pick of the best guided meditation and mindfulness apps for children and teens of all ages. Continue reading →
If you have ever tried to tell a young child who is in the grip of a big emotion to “Calm down,” you will know that often doesn’t work. Children need much more concrete strategies to help them cope when they are feeling overwhelmed. Like finger breathing. This is a great way for children to calm themselves down and manage anxiety and overwhelm. Teach them how to do it when they are in a calm moment (when they are overwrought is never a good time to get them to engage their learning brains!). And then prompt them to do their finger breathing when they need to reduce their fight-or-flight and find calm.
Not being able to play with friends has been tough for children during the coronavirus lockdown. Young children are programmed to play. Play fuels their development and it is through play that they learn the social skills to take turns, work in teams and build relationships. However, with social distancing here to stay for a while, there’s unlikely to be a sudden return to traditional play dates or playground games. We are all going to have to learn new ways of playing together in socially distanced games.
Children are naturally inventive so I am absolutely sure they will have no problem adapting and will come up with brilliant ideas for games (much better than mine!). But it might help them get started if you set them up with a few ideas. So, here are 16 ideas for socially distanced games to get them playing safely.
Whether you are meeting up with family in your garden, doing play dates in the park or even hosting a socially distanced birthday party, there are some great games that children can enjoy and still stay at least 1 or 2 metres apart. You’ll probably remember most of them from your own childhood! And this list is also a great starting point for children who are heading back to school and wondering what they can do in the playground. All these games can be played without the need to pass any objects between each other. And all of them are screen-free – which is a great rebalancer after the digital overdose in lockdown. Enjoy! Continue reading →
There is a lovely saying that I regularly repeat to my children: “Mistakes are proof that you have tried.” When we make mistakes, it is easy to give up and only see a failure. But it is so important to show resilience in the face of adversity and try again, and to start building these skills from childhood. So, how can we encourage our children to become more resilient and more independent? The answer, as always, can be found in play, especially for our younger children.
Whether post-lockdown, or perhaps during lockdown, the school summer holidays are on the horizon. Many parents are faced with even more time working from home with kids. Growing resilience is more important than ever. And helping children become independent will in turn help parents with the struggle-juggle.
To help build their resilience, your child needs to be given the opportunity to take chances, to make mistakes and to learn from them. They need to have opportunities to judge a situation and decide for themselves if their desired outcome is possible, and if so, how to achieve it. As parents, we are often very risk-adverse. We cherish our children and want no harm to come to them. But by doing this are we stifling them? Are we doing them a disservice by not allowing them to flex their risk-taking muscles? In short, yes.
There are various ways that parents can allow children to make these judgments without putting our children in any actual danger. How? We can allow them to experience learning through trial and error. The best way to support them in this is through play. Here are some great ideas for how parents can build resilience through outdoor play this summer: Continue reading →
I am delighted to introduce you to my new book The Work/Parent Switch: How to parent smarter not harder which is published by Vermilion. The aim of the book is to empower working parents to build a family life which is low on conflict, high in warmth and good for children’s development. So you can be the parent your child needs, and still do your job. It is the essential parenting book for every working parent who wants to enjoy their family life more, shout a little less and raise happy, successful children.
What is the book about?
Most working parents feel like we are running just to stand still. We want to be good parents. We want to get parenting ‘right’. We do everything we can to smooth our children’s paths and give them a good start in life. But we have limited time, limited energy and too much to do. Something has to give.
This book moves the goalposts. It’s about being a great parent by doing less, rather than always trying to do more. Parenting smarter rather than harder, by understanding what children really need from us. So we can use those bits of time left over when work is done to focus on the right things – connecting with our children and creating a happy family life.
The Work/Parent Switch outlines a totally practical way to parent actual children (not ideal ones!) in real families. It will give you strategies that fit into modern working patterns and which build happiness and well-being for the whole family – without stretching you to breaking point. So you can build a family life in which you and your children can truly thrive. Continue reading →
Boosting children’s resilience is all about helping children feel a sense of mastery and competence, that what they do matters and that they have control and influence over how they feel and what they achieve. Building children’s resilience involves allowing them to set goals, plan a route forward, take risks, rise to challenges and learn from mistakes. It also means helping them to find ways to regulate their emotions, experience contentment and build a happy memory bank that can help them through difficult moments.
There’s no holiday club or after school activity specifically for building children’s resilience. It is built from lots of different experiences which all contribute to kids feeling “I’ve got this!” (and “if I haven’t, I’ll find a way!”). But it definitely doesn’t come from sitting at home at a screen. So here are my top ten ideas for activities that you and your family can do this summer to boost your children’s resilience. Have fun!
Learning how to recognise a good friend (and to be one) is an important part of childhood. All children experience some ups and downs in friendships. Parents can play an important role in helping children manage friendship problems by helping them think about why their friends might be behaving in a particular way and discussing what qualities and actions show that someone is a good friend.
Snuggling up with a storybook can be a great way to talk through friendship issues sensitively with young children and introduce new ideas. And for older children, who want to think about issues for themselves, books can be a safe space to work through thoughts, scenarios and emotions. Here are my recommendations for really good books for helping children manage friendship problems. Continue reading →
Have you read any Young Adult fiction recently? Because, seriously, YA fiction is where it’s all happening. Strong characters, gripping plots, imaginative worldscapes – the best YA books are packed with all the juiciest elements of fiction. Perfect for inspiring teenage daughters to take on life at full tilt. Here’s my pick of the best!
(Obviously, all these books can be read by boys too. I just think that these particular books have strong female characters with the kind of bravery and resourcefulness that I would wish for every teenage girl to carry her through to adulthood and beyond.)Continue reading →
One of the things I encourage parents to do is to see parenting as a relationship between a parent and a child rather than as a one-way activity. That means focusing on building a good relationship with your child and tuning in to how they communicate. Seeing parenting as a two-way relationship not only enriches family life, it opens us up to understanding the influence of children’s innate personalities.
Modern parents like to think we’re very important. The fashion for blaming parents for how children turn out – or indeed giving credit to parents when kids do well – leads us to believe that we really matter in our children’s lives. That we are the deciding factor. That if we parent ‘right’ then our kids will turn out great. That way of thinking supposes that 1) we can choose how we parent and 2) our kids are totally shaped by their environment. It tends to forget that there is a child in the mix with their own unique fixed set of variables.
Now, there is most definitely evidence from quality research that certain parenting styles and strategies are associated with good outcomes for children. But, equally, there is clear evidence that the genetic factors that predispose children to certain personality traits are also influential on kids’ long term outcomes. Both nature and nurture are at play and parents are only part of the picture. Continue reading →
What parents ultimately want for their children is a long and happy life. We want our young teens to sail into adulthood feeling confident and acquiring all the necessary skills they need before they fly the nest to chase their dreams. But the reality of this aim, as a parent, can be something quite different. “Easier said than done”, doesn’t really cover it! It’s so common for life to get in the way, and to suddenly realise that all those things that you meant to accomplish with your 10, 11, 12-year-old are still pending – but they are now 17, 18, 19 and literally about to leave home.
There are lots of life lessons that we as parents really want to be responsible for teaching children. You want to impart the benefits of your experience and your core family values to them so that they really know the difference between right and wrong, and the wisest choices to make within the context of your lives. However, there are also myriad life lessons and skills that you can leave to someone or something else.
Working with sporting parents has shown me what a valuable experience an involvement in sport can offer young people. There are so many skills that can be gleaned on the field of play which need just a small amount of parental guidance to make them real life-shaping attributes. Continue reading →
Children and young people’s mental health is hardly out of the news these days (see Crisis in children’s mental health). But often parents are at a loss how best to help and support a child/teenager who is struggling. So I have brought together all in one place this resource list of websites, apps, books and other sources of support for parents/carers of children and young people who are struggling with their mental health. I hope you find it useful. Continue reading →
All children need to know about mental health. They need to know how to look after their minds as well as their bodies. They need to know that it is possible to feel mentally unwell as well as physically unwell. And what to do if that happens. They need to know that people can and do recover from mental illnesses. And they need strategies for supporting their friends to stay emotionally healthy and to be alert to others’ signs and needs. Talking to children about mental health gives a strong signal that mental health matters.
Many mental health issues first emerge in the teenage years. Half of adults with mental health conditions experienced their first symptoms before the age of 15. Approximately 10% of young people will experience a mental or emotional health issue each year – that’s three teenagers in every class. A teenage boy is more likely to die by suicide than to die in a road traffic accident. Talking to children about mental health from an early age makes it more likely they will talk to you if things get tough. Continue reading →
Mental ill health can strike anyone. At any time of life. But, just as with physical health, there are definitely things we can do to promote good mental and emotional health. There is lots of research linking lifestyle and mindset factors to positive mental wellbeing – so if you want to foster a mentally healthy family life, think about including these factors:
Change can be difficult for children. Children’s life experiences are much more limited than ours so they may not have learnt strategies for facing change confidently. And they often don’t have the reassurance of remembering previous occasions when they have faced big changes and adapted successfully. Young children, especially, thrive on predictability so can be stressed by even minor changes to their routine (see Helping children cope with change). Reading story books to help children cope with change can offer reassurance that change is ok and help start conversations about how children are feeling.
Here are my recommendations for reassuring and conversation-starting books to help children cope with change: Continue reading →